I Choose Jesus!

I have chosen many things in my life.

I have chosen the impossible task of perfection. ( I was all set to post this and had spent several hours fine tuning it when I lost every. bit. of. what. I. wrote.)

I have chosen grit-your-teeth-smile-and-get-over-it-already- Christianity.

I have chosen adultery,

deep depression,

suicidal thoughts,

cutting and

hopelessness.

I have chosen to pursue acceptance at all costs.

I have chosen to allow rejection to define me.

I have chosen pastors, workshops, books, counselors and conferences to bring me healing, hope and truth.

I have chosen religion in almost every possible way to answer my heart's cry. I 've read the Bible through many times, won people to the Lord, attended church whenever the doors were open, adopted every standard of dress and music accepted in my church as my own and as a result wrote a book, spoke at conferences, and became the "model" Christian on the outside.

I have chosen pride,

hypocrisy,

anger,

bitterness,

bondage and

fear.

I have chosen to isolate and fill my mind with self hate talk.

I have chosen to believe the lies of the deceiver.

I have chosen to turn my stiff neck from the One who has lovingly beckoned me with my unbelief.

Under every bed, in every corner, in every nook, cranny and crevice,

across every state, continent and face I've chosen to look for the answer, the truth, the hope, the cure, the fix, the way, the love.

I am the way, the truth, and the life...

Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.

What hope can I give you beloved one? What truth can I share? What beautiful words can I pen that will answer the question of your heart?

Only Jesus

ONLY Him, ALWAYS Him, ALL of Him. Choose Jesus. Call out to Him.

He ALWAYS answers.

I opened my email today and received the following email. It brought me to tears of joy.

Tears of gratitude that made my heart swell for a loving Papa who answers His children.

Who's faithfulness and love reaches to the very depths of our darkness and rushes to our side.

For many years now I have had demonic dreams. They would come about every six months turning my night upside down. While these evil beings were torturing me in my dreams I would try to call out for them to stop. Every time I would try to scream but my voice was taken from me. I would struggle to wake up, to scream to just get out and yet I was trapped in my nightmare.

Two nights ago the nightmare was back. In my dream I was in my living room with doors slamming and my decorations had become projectiles thrown in my direction. For the first time ever someone was with me. It was my mom. Also for the first time I had a voice. Instead of screaming stop in my own power I screamed "I CHOOSE JESUS!" I screamed it and screamed it until I woke up in a cold sweat shaking and saying , "I choose Jesus."

I feel like I have had a breakthrough. For years I have struggled with anger and bitterness of never being good enough. I was angry that I never learned what a true relationship with Jesus was.

In my anger I allowed myself to not only turn from "the world is on my shoulders" Christianity but I turned from Jesus. I still went to church and sang the songs but I wouldn't give into Jesus.

That is when my nightmares began. This week I have been praying for the first time in a long time and I truly wanted Jesus. I had to face my demons head on and let them know where I stand. I choose Jesus! I choose to be free of anger, bitterness, not good enough, judgement and pain.

With tears in my eyes and a peace in my heart I can truly say I choose Jesus.
 I am so glad Jesus chose me.

Beloved one:
What things have you chosen in your life? Have you called out to Him? He always answers, He is THE answer.
Never forget that He also ADORES you.