I am removing the mental burqa.
I've come to the part of the journey that leaves me breathless. The call to write this post to a very pointed audience that hides in the shadows of anonymity.
Broken, fearful, full of shame, burned out and confined to the chains of legalism, spiritual abuse or control.
I've counted the cost of walking out of the shadows of shame and openly discussing something where in certain circles is forbidden to discuss without offering complete allegiance to it. I dare to open a line of communication and dialogue on a topic that is not openly spoken about.
It is also something that I am healing from...
"extreme" fundamentalism ( aka legalism)
( there..I said it!)
In that world, you don't question the man or the movement, to do so is setting yourself up for attack, shunning and shame.
To talk of freedom, unconditional love and abounding grace is
scandalous.
I remember the first time I put on a pair of pants and went to the mall. (For those who don't come from a extreme fundamental background, most of these churches consider it immodest for women to wear pants and many churches will not allow you to teach or help in the ministry if you wear them.)
My heart was pounding, I kept imagining who I would "bump" into and if I did what they would think.
Would they judge me?
Would they shun me?
Then there was the moment I lifted the rug to the spiritual abuse that took place in my life and in the lives of others in the IFB world and shared it with a counselor. (So many of us were silenced and shamed ) I thought for sure she would say, "we asked for it." that I was "crazy."
She didn't.
The triggers I have experienced while detoxing from legalism have been overwhelming. Just sitting in a legalistic church and hearing the preaching would cause my blood pressure to rise while feeling like daggers were being plunged into my eyeballs. (Seriously)
After church, I would run to my car, not able to breath. Struggling for literally days after hearing a sermon where all that was accomplished was me being covered in condemnation, confusion and shame.
There is a cost to boldly walking in grace and freedom.
To declare that there is nothing I can do to be more pleasing and lovable to Jesus.
To say that I am loved and cherished just the same if I am wearing pants, winning people to the Lord or listening to contemporary christian music.(Another area that fundamentalists frown upon.) To realize that God does not look down at me with disgust, ready to hit me over the head if I fail or fall. That
when He sees me, He sees Jesus.
I am adored and beloved and there is nothing I can do to cause Him to love me any less.
The message of scandalous grace.
In Christ I am
a saint (1 Cor 1:2),
His poem,
(Eph 2:10)- In Greek the word workmanship means poema. We get the word poem from it)
I am righteous and holy ( Romans 5:17)
I am fully accepted by God. (Ephesian 1:6)
and yes,
I am loved unconditionally.
It is TRUTH
You see, if I believe that I am not fully accepted by Jesus, I will find it difficult to experience intimacy with Him. ( I highly recommend the book, Grace Walk by Steve McVey. It's message will be life changing for those who came out of the same background as me.)
Have you ever met someone who you know doesn't accept or like you? You certainly will not draw close to them, in fact you will mostly likely draw away from them.
This is the big area I most struggle with- To KNOW in my heart that I am fully, totally and completely accepted by Jesus. No
matter what.
matter what. In Him I am enough.
Period.
Jesus has come to heal and redeem the broken, the misfits, the rejected, the shunned, the de-churched, the disillusioned and abused.
From the ashes I speak, refined in the fire.
Broken, imperfect, on a journey...I offer you empty hands pointing to Jesus.
I offer a community of beautiful, broken, beloved saints and
a safe,
healing place
where grace, freedom in Christ and love is abundant.
where grace, freedom in Christ and love is abundant.
I hope you feel at home.
You are loved.
This post was written to provoke conversation and dialogue. You comments encourage others more than my posts can ever do. Authenticity and community helps each of us to come out of isolation and into love and light.
This post was written to provoke conversation and dialogue. You comments encourage others more than my posts can ever do. Authenticity and community helps each of us to come out of isolation and into love and light.
My questions to you-
Do you come from a legalistic background? If so what areas do you struggle or wrestle with? ( Feel free to post anonymously if you feel safer)
If you do not have such a background, are there areas where you are recovering from incorrect views of God or the Bible?
37 comments:
Julie: I can't say I came from the same type of fundamentalist background you did but my legalism came from a different source: myself. I grew up in a Christian Church (independent) with two preachers from Moody. While the second brought life to me as a teenager he also brought some "fundamental" actions but I can honestly say he never imposed them on me or the church. It was after he left and a new pastor came that I attended a Christian Church/Church of Christ college in KY. It was there I was indoctrinated in correct doctrine and then to make matters worse I was exposed to the worst kind of that...legalism. It was a matter of time until I too embraced that i.e. we were the only ones right and going to heaven; unless you are baptized the Acts 2:38 way (formula and all) you were not truly saved; a person can lose his salvation; unless you were in church Sunday (twice) and Wednesday then you couldn't possibly be a Christian. The whole shooting match. Ad infinitum ad nauseum. It came to a head when I went through burn out and then found myself in a church that eventually fired me because I had wrestled myself away from those kinds of teaching and no longer preached baptism every Sunday. Other things that I cannot express here brought me to the point of "I have to break away from this" mess. I learned about the Holy Spirit but i also saw how i needed to be free. In 1994 I was finally set free after a 4 day time of retreat, prayer and fasting and reading a book (which is on the way). I NEVER want to go back there again. There is so much more to say but that is long enough.
As an aside: I pray this message that you have to share will spread like wildfire. I pray Scandalous Grace will catch fire in churches and "burn down" the walls of legalism. I also offer my help to any who might want to write/talk. You can give them my address if you feel it is sincere.
Great thoughts here that I can certainly relate with. I remember my biggest fear was when I would have my Steven Curtis Chapman or Third Day cranking in my car--I would always be looking in my rear-view mirror to make sure I didn't see anyone I knew! Funny what we do when we fear man more than God!
I love reading these because they hit so close to home. I am free now but I am still helping Amber with some of these things especially when we visit family up in the region.
I do want to say that not all those who would consider themselves under the Fundamentalist umbrella are like this. I dare say most historic fundamentalists would not consider pants on women or even CCM in your car as tabu. It is important to keep in mind that we came out of a very small fringe group that does not even make up the majority of another small group known as Fundamentalists. Maybe a good future post would be to draw the distinctions between IFBX and plain old historic fundies. I will get off this rabbit trail now--sorry to hijack!
Matthew Richards
Hi there!
I agree with Matthew in that not all fundamentalists are as you described. In fact, I'm surprised to hear your story and did not realise there was so much legalism hiding within fundamentalist churches. (Please excuse my ignorance.) My husband and I are fundamentalists and attend a "Christian Church" and we follow the word of God. In doing so we naturally acknowledge salvation by Grace alone and would never condemn anyone for wearing pants, (which I do most days) and for listening to certain types of christian music, (which I also do).
It seems to me that your harsh treatment has been from people who would be more accurately labelled legalists, rather than fundamentalists, for the word of God holds to no such condemnation for the saved believer.
I'm sorry you have been so badly treated. I honestly don't know what some people see when they read the Bible, for they certainly aren't seeing the Word of God.
Best wishes. :)
First I SO wish I could figure out how to post my response to your responses under each one ( If any one knows please share the secret!)
@ Matthew, good call. I guess all I've ever known is fundamentalism with an Xtreme to it. I suppose I have a misconception to what it means. I would love to follow up with a post on the differences but maybe this is a job you might be interested in Matthew. I welcome it. You've been a great source of encouragement and wisdom to me.
@ Bill, I suppose every time you said you came out of legalism that I dismissed it as not similar to what I experienced but what I am coming to see is that legalism is not relocated to just extreme fundamentalists but to many other areas as well. The devastation that it leaves in its wake is unimaginable. It is contrary to the message of Jesus. It is what Jesus most spoke against. His message was scandalous...His grace truly amazing.
Can't wait to read this book Bill...its all up to USPS now! More than that is that I appreciate your encouragement and appreciate you.
@Rebecca,
Thank you for posting! I feel horrible for MY ignorance. Like I mentioned to Matthew, my knowledge and upbringing in fundamentalism was extreme.It was all I knew and did not realize that it did not extend to all of the fundamental world. I am so glad you clarified!
Welcome!
I love your posts. I love to read about your growth in our Lord Jesus Christ. I am at this time in the middle of women who are coming out of what you described and it is pure delight to watch them find freedom, recognize it as freedom and then embrace it. I am enjoying being there to listen and to pray with them. My prayer for those precious women (my new friends) and for you is that you continue to enjoy the freedom God gives you to worship and adore him with your whole body and soul as well as have the ability to forgive and to love those who blinded you and abused your hearts. Such a hard thing. But, I will continue to pray for this and to pray for more sisters and brothers to learn of our freedom in Christ and to break away from the chains of legalism/man-made law keeping. I love you, Julie! Keep on reaching out!! You are touching so many people with your life!!!
Julie,
Don't sweat it on the whole fundy thing. I think that even within historic fundamentalism there would be areas perceived as legalistic by others but not to the extreme we are familiar with. People are always going to disagree on certain Scriptural applications especially in gray areas not addressed specifically in the Word. I used to lump all Fundies into the same group before I left the extreme version. It is a common thing--the hysteric fundies are the more vocal group and they like to yell! The historic fundies are generally quieter and much more humble! I am kidding a bit now but there is some truth there.
I would love to help compare the two groups. I attend an IFB church of the historic variety but would probably consider myself more of a conservative evangelical than a true fundamentalist. Hopefully that won't discredit my thoughts on the matter!
Matthew Richards
I didnt come froma legalist background,but inside of me I still feel the pull to prove something to God.
I think I know where that comes from. "Mental burqua" love it!
Julie,
I have found Condemnation Confusion and Control come in one lump package. It takes so much time to detox.
Even in cleaning my garage I battle condemnation. I find things I always meant to finish but didn't. Condemnation says I wasted my time. Jesus says He loves to watch me learn new things. I find pictures of the past. Condemnation says I blew it. Jesus says he has smiled at me every day of my life.
Condemnation brings shame and confusion. Grace is a learning process of taking EVERY thought captive. Grace brings peace. I daily choose to fill my mind with Grace. Today I danced with Grace.
Julie,
Once again, you reach that place in my heart where God's truth resides, but I'm afraid to express it -- for fear of condemnation, repercusson, abandonment of the only life I've ever known -- yet, you say it so beautifully, and you confirm that God is showing me a better way.
I grew up in IFBX. My entire immediate family is still IFBX and pastoring a large, "inner circle" church. My family members are the speakers in the brochures and our life is mapped out based on annual conferences. If I dare to mention any of the things you speak of (pants, music, etc) I am reminded that I need to get my rebellious heart right with God. The more I read my Bible and learn about Christ, I cannot see His hatred and disdain the way I see it portrayed in the lives of those around me. All I see coming from Christ is acceptance and unconditional love. I've been studying the lives of the women in the geneology of Christ. I am enjoying seeing who God chooses to use to accomplish His divine purpose. God has refreshed my soul with these thoughts.
More than ever, in my current IFBX circles, I see women who criticize each other, who are jealous, and who possess a "superiority complex". I don't see the love of Christ displayed, and it saddens me. I cannot tell you how many converts I've "won" and brought to church, only to have them give up and quit because the "rules" imposed are so overwhelming, and then I am faulted on my soulwinning technique b/c my "fruit did not remain". Truth be told, most of them have remained, but in other churches where they are accepted and loved.
I would like to visit other churches, but to miss a service here would ding my crown in heaven :-) To break away from this life would mean breaking away from family and that is a scary thought. The authorities in my life are constantly reminding me of how the lives of my children will be destroyed if wander from the IFBX fold. Obviously, I love my children very much,therefore, this threat works very well with me. I'm rambling...sorry. 'Nuff said for now.
Thank you for saying what many of us are afraid to say. You are a hero (heroine?) to me :-) I am certain that God allowed our paths to cross "for such a time as this", and that He will eventually show me how to live this life more abundantly.
Love, Stacey
Dear sweet beautiful Julie,
I too know the pain of this dark place. A long time ago I was involved in a "home church". At that time I wouldn't have known to call them fundamentalist. I remember walking into a place where they made me feel like this was a place I belonged until they started to change everything about me. I was no longer allowed to where pants, or listen to music. NO longer allowed to have friends outside that circle. I was told things that controlled and manipulated who I was. It was a very scary time for me. I fell away from Christ all together for a long long time after that. I thought that what I had been told was what Christianity was all about. It wasn't until Christ opened my eyes and my heart and started to heal that gaping wound, that the truth set me free. It is because of people like us, the ones who have been apart of this abusive cycle, that God can use that crap...to reach others. That is what he is doing with you Julie. He is taking out the trash and lies that hijacked your life for so long. He has to clear it out before the cleansing can really begin. It's a messy process but one that is necessary to heal. My in house cleaning is still going on, he's still getting rid of the trash that clutters my heart and mind. He's using people like you to speak truth into the lives of the other broken souls trashed by the lies. I am praying for you, and with you from this side of the world....
Much love Julie, Keep on fighting and lean on the truth of Jesus to keep you strong. HE is using you for greater things then you even know!
In love....Amber
When I left the fundamentalist college we attended, I came home in such a deep depression. I didn't work, I stayed in my room with the door closed and cried uncontrollably. So much so my mother worried about my mental health.
I was so burdened with not being good enough that I felt worthless.
I can look back over my life and see the labels of rebellious, worthless and not good enough starting at kindergarten.
I now go to a fundamentalist church that is not IFBX and the difference is day and night. It is a breath of fresh air to me.
The love of God and His grace is preach freely. My pastor just preached a message about our sins being nailed to the cross. He made a cross and began nailing sheets of paper my labels if you will to the cross. He said we don't carry these things because Jesus nailed them to the cross. I left that service in tears, good tears. I spent all day just praising Jesus that I am truly free. I am not my sin it is nailed to the cross.
I went to a fundy grade school and high school, we attended an IFB church, but was far from the hardcore fundamentalists. My dad always wanted to be a fundamentalist, but was as poor at it as he was selling cars, driving trucks, selling insurance, selling vacuums, etc. Mom grew up IFB, but it didn't really take, but she's still hasn't figured out the difference between following Christ and fundamentalism. Is very frustrated the lack of concern/work in any kind of social change, yet is unable to recognize the systemic insulation imposed even by the nicest and kindest of fundamentalism that just cannot see people.
Ended up going to PCC cause it was cheap, had computer science, parents loved it, and I believed they were more or less like my church with a few unavoidable crazies. Obv they weren't your HAC style loonies, but they're their own brand of heatless fundies. I didn't realize it at the time, but I had blamed God for the inhuman behavior at PCC, and the stuff id seen in fundy churches I tried to attend near DC, and began to doubt there was truly any point in Church at all.
Took good friends who had been through similar, and more than a few very angry fundy former friends, who I could never understand where all their rage came from losing control over the most innocuous things in their lives.
I can't identify a specific moment I put it all together or realized I just wasn't a fundy, or that so much of fundyism is lacking most or all of what God has for us. Had pretty much completely passed that mark once I found Papa Darrell's site (thanks to a fellow ex fundy PCC'er who I volunteered to help youth group with). It's a delight to share and laugh with all the others. I feel horribly for all you who truly suffered under outrageous fundies, and fortunate to have avoided it myself. I'm not sure I ever would've recovered.
This was a great post! Hope you & yours had a wonderful Thanksgiving, free from the pain often felt in fundy holiday traditions!
Wow, I kind of pressed " publish" on this post and went into hiding. Feeling vulnerable, fearful, ready to pull the post. I counted the cost but maybe just counted the change because within me there is still great fear talking about this. Though in my head I know it is fine to question, I have freedom to heal and to have a voice my heart still wants to "self protect". Each of your comments remind me of our individual journeys. Glad we are able to walk the path together, with Jesus leading.
@ Rachel Kay- I am SO glad my friends have a beautiful warm jewel of a friend to show them what graceful, authentic, true friendships looks like. I am so blessed to know you.
@ David Rupert- "inside of me I still feel the pull to prove something to God."- I hear you...how often do I feel the same pull...too often my friend.
@Matthew- thanks for your patience with me-not sure what to call what it is I am detoxing from now-good to see that there are safe, grace filled churches under the fundamental name..even gladder to fix my wrong perceptions.
@Andrea, As usual, beautiful words of grace..love you.
@Stacey Laine..Tears...my heart aches for you beautiful lamb. I dare say that God is showing a better path today, in fact He has been wooing you to Himself..the Holy Spirit has pricked your heart and whispered to you that He is indeed a God of love and grace, not hatred and disdain. Trust His voice. I looove the study you are doing right now on the "bad girls" of the Bible...oh how He loves us and wants to use us...not because of us but because of Him...I love your beautiful heart Stacey. I hear your immense pain. Be caught in His arms. There is hope and redemption. Love you dearly.
@ Amber- Oh lovely Amber. Your story touches me...I am being constantly reminded how everyone has a story. We can't look on the outward mask but to see the inward beauty and pain of someone. To hear their story and to comfort each other. Discovering the "you" behind the name makes me want to just run over and hug ya. You are a strong and courageous and redeemed. Your story is HISstory.
@Amy...to hear what your pastor preached about..woo hoo! Love the truth of the fact that our sins are nailed to the cross, what truth! All those years you felt worthless and invisible..Jesus wept over such a lie, you are His precious child, a pearl of great price. You are seen and heart and loved beyond measure. I hope that you continually bask in this truth. You are free beautiful!
@ Rob-you have such a big heart and bring such smiles wherever you post. I read your words and see how those who have been hurt by the extreme IFB ways could easily end up seeing God as that angry, hate filled God and discarding HIM along with their former fundy ways. I suppose I want to bring a different dimension that ..I'd like to star weeding out the lies and replacing them with the truth of who God truly is. I don't see a whole lot of..a detoxing fundy who embraces grace without a whole ton of bitterness ( Its SO easy to find myself bitter, I fail at this at times and thats ok) I want to point to grace and love..because honestly, without His grace and love, without discovering my identity in Him I AM without hope...
wow..I am rambling..sorry guys!
What is "Papa Darrell's" site? I've never heard of that until recently. Tried to google it, but couldn't find it. Thx!
Stacey,
www.stufffundieslike.com I don't always recommend it because it is a parody and sometimes people get offended by it..it is lighthearted and funny with a twisted sense of reality beyond what you can imagine. I find the site helpful because I see I am not alone in the world of fundy craziness but know ...that it IS a parody.
@Stacey, Stuff Fundies Like (www.stufffundieslike.com). Darrell is the author, and Julie came up w/ that amusing coded reference that I found hilarious, and have used several times.
Julie,
I’ve never been in a legalistic setting – well Baptist – but not fundie. And I’ve always remained outside of the box anyway, sometimes to my disadvantage, but I get it.
You are bold, I know you can count the cost, but still you go, when God says go.
My incorrect view of Bible comes from not understanding that church is all about community. I totally missed that. I hung my hat on Luke 2:52, just making sure I grew in wisdom and stature with God – alone in my bubble with him. But we need each other. Iron sharpens iron. Christianity is Christians, in fellowship, loving, and beloved, by God, and each other.
God Bless your mission. proud. of. you.
Julie I have been lurking around Stuff Fundies Like for a while. I have never registered or posted but I have enjoyed lurking lol.
I just want to thank you for being such an encouragement to me. I love ya friend!
I love your scandalous post! And the scandalous freedom you are experiencing in Christ! I discovered His Holy Spirit 11 years ago, and it has been a long journey of healing and deliverance from the religious control I was under. But I can breathe now! And I walk with the Lord in intimate love. There is SO MUCH MORE in Christ than most of the Christian church experiences. And it grieves me to see people turning to false religions to fulfill their spiritual needs because "Christianity" has failed them. Thank you for sharing this beautiful post. Blessings on your journey, friend.
PS I have a post on my blog called Windblown (a poem--September Archives) and at the end a link to a wonderful article by Wayne Jacobsen on what it means to be born of the Spirit. I absolutely love the way he shares truth--like you--so free.
@ Craig,
That is a really thought provoking comment. I agree, it is so important to have real, beautiful,authentic community, IMHO itis KEY. We really are brothers and sisters in Christ, we are family..( I am going to break out in song now! lol)
@ Amy,that site makes me giggle and sometimes my mouth hangs open because I can't tell what is parody and what is real..
btw, with tears in my eyes I can honestly say that you have encouraged me so much, I love you sister.
@Melissa, You are SUCH a thoughtful poster! Your comments are thought out and encouraging and so kind. I plan on going to check out the poem you are talking about when I finish typing this. I am always blessed when you stop by!
Thank you.
I am so blessed to have found your blog and to have read this post. It is no coincident that I stumble upon your blog this week.
I did not grow up in a fundamentalist environment. A legalistic one (although as the years go by I learn that legalism plagues every church, every religion, and every person in some way or another).
However, I am now, by God's direction, at a church that is emerging from a fundamentalist background. It was a hard place for me to settle in... one that I did really only to please by at-the-time-boyfriend. It wasn't until he broke-up with me that I really feel in love with the "family" that wrapped their arms around me and let me know that I was more then just "a girlfriend to one of the boys that grew up there."
I am not one who really understands the feelings of shame and guilt. I have always been very confident in my faith and in the fact that God's Word is truth not the pastor who preaches from it. My problem is that I a have a mouth... and a loud one at that. I grew up always voicing my opinion and letting others know exactly what I thought of their legalism.
Thankfully God has taught me that fighting legalism with words does no good. You cannot change a person's view on a subject by reasoning with them, after all usually the legalistic view is an emotional and irrational view. You cannot rationalize with an irrational person.
The one thing I have learned is that prayer is the best weapon... when I pray for that person, church, view. I am admitting (mainly to myself) that I have no control over it and recognize that only God does and He alone can change the heart.
I have come to accept this and developed a peace in this area that I never had before.
That is until just recently. An issue came up that just infuriated me and by blood began to boil. I wrestled with it and struggled, struggling still to keep my mouth shut.
Nothing upsets me more then someone misrepresenting my Lord. I become so defensive of Him. I hate it when people forget about grace and freedom in Christ.
Christ came to set us free from the law not to bind us up in more laws. The cross represents grace... mercy.... love.
Why do people think that they can speak for God on subjects such as movies, or music, or books?? Sure there are "guidelines" we should live by but so many areas that Christians seek to make black and white are really gray.
Thank you for your thought provoking post... and for the encouragement and reminder that I am not the only who feels this way.
Am thirty-something and recovering from a similar background. I wrestle with knowing the reality of the Father's love for me. It's gotten better--but I had to decide to change. A good counselor friend said to me that I didn't need to believe what everyone said was true, but to run it through the truth filter...Phil 4:8. :) That has helped bunches. There are a lot of ugly lies dressing themselves up as truth. When the truth is ...we are totally and completely accepted and loved in the body. Today we had communion, and the leader said something so contrary to what I'd heard all my life. The 'examination' time was not for confessing and repenting...but for getting one's life right with others, and rejoicing in the redemption gift we have in the Father. Christian is the name I bear. :) Community has been healing for me. It's never to late to leave the falsehoods and grasp to what is really truth...
Wow! - Enjoyed your article.
Even though I grew up in the diametric opposite end of the theological spectrum (holiness / pentecostal environment with extreme emphasis on Spiritual warfare) when compared to your IFB upbringing, I see the same exact legalisms, abuses, shame, guilt, hatred, fear, ignorance, lies, and condemnation techniques at work. In fact, when I see pentecostal services on TV by random channel surfing, I get jacked up with a state of high anxiety, panic, racing heart and in some cases physical nausea to where I have to take benadryl and a nap to sedate/calm me down.
I've been 'detoxing' for 20 years now and in many ways, it never fully goes away. The more I unravel, the more layers I expose that I did not know I still had suppressed deep inside of me. It seems like I will never catch up. The first 10 years I spent wandering around but the next ten years had me deeper in the Scriptures when I finally read the Scriptures with a hebrew or greek dictionary next to me and discovered the truth that led me to a Reformed Presbyterian church that has really helped me get many issues straightened out along with some help from some Brennan Manning books that many people view as controversial.
To this day, even though I know that my salvation is sealed permanently, the thoughts of losing my salvation still comes up.
I still wrestle with human suffering / tragedy issues as I was taught that human suffering / tragedy was God's wrath and due to secret sin, lacking faith, or disagreeing with my pastor.
I also still wrestle with wanting nice things without feeling extreme guilt because in classical holiness theology, the poorer you were, the purer you were and "Christians" who got nice things "compromised" to get them.
I still wrestle with feeling inferior / low self-esteem when compared to others and feeling like I don't measure up and never will. Someone who is actually a couple of inches shorter than I am still looks eight feet tall to me.
I still wrestle with starting new Christian service projects, or new relationships because I fear that they will eventually fail due to some 'unresolved sin'. In other words, you have to be perfect or you are subject to failure.
@ Kat, wow! Tough situation friend. I wish I had the answers for you. I wish I knew why people impose their man made preferences on others. Maybe it is "safe" for them this way? Maybe they have never truly accepted the fact that THEY are accepted and thus impose on others..whatever the reason I beg God to help me give grace to those people while still enforcing boundaries..I don't feel guilty for not morphing into what they want just to please or not offend. ( Not easy if you are a people pleaser!) Praying for you Kat. Email me if you need an ear.
@ Loyal Scott, Love you nickname. Your counselor friend gave you great advice. Also...your words give so much hope, thank you. It is TRUTH..community is healing and it truly is never to late to leave falsehoods and grasp truth..wonderful Scott.
@s77, OH, I hear all your triggers. I so relate on many ways even though as you say we came from opposite ends of the spectrum. Don't you think the key is to always put those words that come to us that are full of condemnation or wrath or things that work against our spirit into the light of Jesus's truth?
I would sit in church often and things would upset my spirit but I never knew I could question the authority that said or preached it. I am JUST NOW learning that if it doesn't bring freedom or life,restore the image of God & rejoice in the heart it's not Christianity
Thanks SO much for sharing.
You all are amazing! Love love this discussion! Keep it coming..you all teach me so much!
oh girlfriend, I can't tell you how thrilled I am to find your blog. I left IFB over a year ago..what a nightmare it was.
PREACH it sista! Oh, how He longs for us to be swallowed up in His love and approach him as the love of our life. sadly, we as flawed humans have turned the gospel on its head..making it about man made rules and formulas instead of what it is about --a REALTIONSHIP with Him. How this world would take notice if it was more a love story than a moral method...great post!
My dear friend! It has been too long since we talked. I am so happy for your freedom. I am on the journey of finding mine too. This ride is both terrifying and exhilarating all at once, but totally worth it. I love you, dear one.
@Sisterlisa- oh so glad you are here and we can detox together!! I want to hear about your journey...do you have a good support system in place?
@ Lifelived- You are simply sunshine! The "PREACH it sista" cracks me up! Oh my word! Love ya!
@Anonymous-OH! Don't leave me hanging..who is this? Can you email me? Exhilarating and terrifying...yes! You SO know. Right now it is more terrifying though...
Well, I'm late to this party, but I had to comment. You guys are SO eye-opening. I was raised by my mom, who is a very liberal lesbian feminist. She was furious when I became Christian. I saw truth ignored and twisted so much that I thought rules and regulations were the only way. Thankfully (PRAISE GOD) I somehow managed to avoid running into any IFB or such - I would have embraced it with my whole heart and soul, much to my ruin.
Thank you for showing me that rules and regulations and standards are not the way to show the heart of God. I'm still learning - still trying to un-backlash from my ridiculous upbringing, which was legalistic in its own way (if you know any serious liberals you know what I mean) - still trying to stop being so hard on myself and stop trying to win God's love.
I find Misty Edward's music, from International House of Prayer in Kansas City, to be amazing in leading my heart to love my Beloved Jesus.
Blessings to all - thanks for your stories!!
Anna,
You bring a unique, beautiful perspective to grace. Trying to wrap my heard around the journey you must be on. What a gift you are!
BTW..just recently was introduced to IHOP and was so blessed! Thank you!
Julie
I have thoroughly enjoyed your posts on "fundamentalism" and how you came out of that dismal existence. Fundamentalism is so twisted and thwarted now days, that it is really hard to know the proper thing to call what we were in. It's really more like a cult, a Pharisaical movement that Satan used to distort the Gospel of Grace. I don't say that about true fundamentalism which began with the best of intentions so long ago in our country's history.
I know your story all too well...coming out of it myself a couple of years ago. Our family literally held on for dear life as we pushed through the deception and lies to freedom in Christ. We were bullied, bloodied, and demonized by people we once called friends.
Our name was completely dragged through the mud, even though we left with dignity. What I mean by that is that we did not seek to cause a scene. We just wanted out. That was not an easy thing because we were on the front lines so to speak. My husband was a deacon, or should I say yes man, and I taught at the church school there. My boys suffered under this false, fake culture of "Christianity" and quite frankly, didn't know God. Rules and standards were constantly being shoved down their throats.
I say all that not to feel sorry for myself, but to praise Our God and Father for saving us and loving us, reminding my husband and myself who He really is. It was worth the scandal, the ill looks, losing most of our friends, the nasty talk about us for months after (years really). We serve as one of the poster children for the ones who have left to live worldly lives, fallen from "glory".
Christ is better, Christ is more beautiful, Christ is our treasure. I know that God allowed me to live in that so I could see how much more beautiful He is. Our family has fallen in love with Him all over again....for my kids, it was the first time.
Thank you, Julie....for just being brave enough to write. I know your pain and struggles that come with leaving a place like that.
Precious Lara,
What powerful words..."Christ is better, Christ is more beautiful, Christ is our treasure."
It truly is about Him...I am so blessed that you would share here...I wish I knew you so I could give you the biggest hug. Thank you.
Thank you for this post... and for your entire blog. I've read so much on here that I can relate to. I grew up IFB and am currently employed by the same IFB church and school. I feel trapped, but don't know where else to go or what else to do. So for now, I'm simply waiting on God's direction and praying that my children don't turn their backs on God in the meantime. That is my biggest concern.
Anonymous,
Jesus sees you. I relate to your feelings of feeling trapped. For 2 years I felt deeply trapped, slowly discovering grace yet unable to walk into it...Jesus wants to free you, keep walking in His truth for you, He will light your dark path. Though you are anonymous I want you to know I love you in Jesus, you are not alone.
This thing of grace is so scandalous and breathtaking. To think that I can do nothing to better myself before God, to think that when the Father looks on me He sees His precious Son...these are transformational truths. These are the things my heart has been desperate to hear. This is what I have been thirsting after my whole life, but only remained parched in the desert of legalism. I have so far to go before I will be able to have a conversation about fundamentalism without my heart overflowing with anger and tears coming to my eyes. I am far from a place where I can speak with such boldness the real truths of God's Word. But I am on my way, and each day, each moment that truth comes into my heart, I am one step closer to truly being free from that burqa, that shame that legalism pours onto anyone who nears it.
I started reading your blog and the forums last night, but even in so short of time, Jesus has worked through you, Julie. Your writing, your grace, your compassion, your love-all have been felt. I am honored to call you my sister in Christ and honored that you are willing to walk this journey with so many of us. I will sleep well knowing that I am no longer alone.
So much love,
Melissa
(littlebirdie)
I appreciate the way in which you articulate some of the baggage that comes with the life of the fundies. Thankfully my fundalmentlism was much more gentle but dangerous in it's subtlety. I am nearly 50 and realize that for 35 years I have been running a hidden race to get away from legalism.
"Prodigal God" by Timothy Keller may be the beginning of my ability to contectualize the many facets of legalism. Just today my pastor reminded us that Jesus came to save us not just from a sinful life but from a high moral life. Anyone on your blog will grasp this. I suspect many IFB's would be scandalized by the comment.
And speaking of scandal you may appreciate this song by an only-in-IFB-church-is-he-a-CCM-artist and my favorite singer/songwriter/grace proclaimer:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wf8OGTqiSw
r. curtis
Post a Comment