My healthy and unhealthy relationship choices, my decision to trust Christ, the reason at times I blog.
It haunts my nights and weighs down my days.
I know God has put this in my heart- a hole so deep, so vast,
so unquenchable.
Tears fall down my face as I expose my heart's deepest secret.
The "L" word-
Loneliness.
The desire to be known, known in the depths of who I am, and then loved for me in all my beautiful mess. To equally know and love others deeply, truly, without pretence. To be brought to a place where this
deepest of deep loneliness is
quenched.
I wonder if God feels this way-lonely and longing to be known?
Waiting for us to enter into the most Holy of Holies, into the most intimate of relationships with Him.
Could it be?
And what do we do with this loneliness?
When we bow the knee and seek His Face- our heart, panting, thirsty- to be known.
He gently takes our hearts in His gentle Hands.
He whispers- I know you, I see you. You are not a bother, an irritation. I welcome you- in all you are and yes, I accept you with a love that will never fail.
When you hide in dark corners and cry until there are no more tears, when you curse the pain and question hope. When you are sure there is not one person in the world you you could call and be heard and loved at 3a.m.
He does and He will.
He also exemplifies love that we should have for our fellow brothers and sisters.
Not church fellowship dinners where all that is exchanged is formal greetings and a Jello mold-but a desire to deeply know, love, hear and reach into the depth of lonely hearts.
Transparency.
But we fear don't we?
Loneliness- who wants to admit the depth of our hearts?
I stand unashamed and say, Yes- I hurt to be known and know- I also stand unashamed and say- as a body of believers lets start a revolution of real, true love of of each other and our neighbors.
Rip off the mask and let's start a revolution of transparency and grace.
I don't know about you, but this girl is tired of Ken and Barbie parades- plastic, graceless, cold, performance Christianity. There are too many thirsty Christians and lost people in this world to keep up the masquerade.
Enough.
There is Living Water for the most thirsty of souls.
It begins by stepping out and ripping off the mask.
I can't do it alone.
***Late addition to this post.***
I have a question to all those who read this- I am curious.
I wonder how many struggle with the kind of loneliness I spoke of and how many do not identify in any way with it.
If you do identify with it- do you feel that those who are creatively inclined struggle with loneliness ( The desire to be known and to know) the most?
44 comments:
This is definitely something we want to deal with in our church, and something we hope that our small groups will help address.
But still for me personally, loneliness is something that has defined my life: as a child in a tiny church, no neighbors to play with, relatives all living over seven hours away, going to tiny Christian schools (the largest had 45 kids in it total and was a one and a half hour away) to BJU where I often ate alone to all three churches we've been in since marriage. Now I see the same thing in my children's lives: they have few friends and I hurt inside because I don't want them to be lonely the way I have. I try to reach out, but everyone always seem so busy with their own lives. Yes, I can fill my life with needy people, but I long to find someone to understand ME and to care about ME.
I've actually giving up reading most Christian non-fiction because in it, some famous woman conference speaker describes friends dropping in for coffee or going out for a weekly girls night out with her best buds or having a special weekend getaway with her friends from college and I think, "Why not me? Why am I always on the outskirts, unknown and unwanted?" And when I see the same thing happening with ALL my children, it crushes my heart.
From "Mercy"
You have spoken what's in my own heart, my friend. In my book I talk about this desire to "be known". Since we are made in God's image, when you consider the lengths He went to in order to restore our relationship with Him...yes...He wants us to know Him.
And in being the church we need to know each other without masks. It's the reason Jesus send us out in the first place.
Great, great post.
I too have longed for deep friendships, cried at 3am and wished there were someone who cared. I have never been good at wearing a mask, so I've never felt like I fit in...in our IFB circles. Everyone seemed to have the same smile, the same "arms length" care and concern (fake in my eyes)...If I ever tried to get close and love someone, I was shut down and held off even farther...almost as if, THEY were afraid if I knew they were not perfect, I would shut THEM out. (Which I wouldn't have, but who knows how many times that had happened to them?) I never fit. I never felt loved or cared about. I always wondered what was wrong with me.
My "problem"...I am transparent.
What you see, is what you get. Me in a nutshell. Recently...actually several times...who I am has been misunderstood for something else. I guess if people are used to the mask...anyone who doesn't have one on, MUST HAVE WRONG MOTIVES. I have been lied about...people have gossiped about me and leaders have believed the lies without even asking ME if they were true. They have said, "well, I observed and realized it MUST be true" Really? My transparency has caused me much pain. At first I wanted to crawl into a hole and just hide away.
But Christ created me different. I will not hide from what He created me to be. I am Chosen. He created me with a transparent love for others...a genuine care and concern for the hurting. And I will not go back into the "box" of masks, to be accepted.
I long for close friendships, where I can be me, without someone questioning me, or wondering if I really meant something. I long for REAL friends, who just love me...no matter what.
At this point though, I've nearly given up hope for that type of a relationship.
and so I hide...alone. How many times can you be skewered through your soul before your heart says, "ENOUGH! I just want Christ"
Yes, I am lonely. Sorry to be so long, but this is very near to where I am.
Wow- thank you each for your transparency and hearts. To each of the anonymous posters- THANK YOU for sharing your hearts! Thank you thank you thank you!!! You are brave and beautiful to share.
I am so lonely. My wife left my kids are distant. My friends have abandonded me. Lonely. Yikes
Hi Julie, came over to your blog through The High Calling.
You've got some beautiful words here! I loved this:
"Rip off the mask and let's start a revolution of transparency and grace."
Definitely! I'm in!
I often feel the loneliest within the Christian community -- sometimes the church can be a really unwelcoming place. So I really appreciate your call for more authenticity, more fellowship, deeper community. That is a message that needs to be spoken and heard.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts in this post! Such important questions you're raising.
Also: to the anonymous commenter above who feels distant from family and abandoned by friends... I want to acknowledge what you said and let you know that I sat in the pain of your words. It's my hopeful prayer that community will start to grow in your life, in the most unexpected places. And that, in the meantime, you can find healing for your heart.
Bristol,
Thank you for sharing, thank you for visiting, most beautifully, thank you for taking the time to hear, know, and affirm the anonymous post above
Male anonymous...you are not alone.
I am "Anonymous#2" above...in answer to your question Julie, about creativity...I am very creative in many ways. I've never thought about whether or not that was linked to wanting to be known and understood.
It will be interesting to see what other people have to say about it though...I really don't know.
My husband is NOT creative, and could care less what anyone thinks of him.
hmmmm....
I often felt this at the end of my first marriage and thus my leaving of fundamentalism. I didn't believe in what we were anymore. I felt so fake yet powerless to change the lie. I would slip out right before Lord's Supper so as not to perpetuate a lie. I would come to church one minute before it started so I didn't have to interact.
I had a turning point one morning when I resolved to leave. I knew the pain and felt nothing could be worse on the other side. There was a hard year or two after leaving as I tried to give up what others thought of me...to let that go. I would cling to the thought that all that mattered was for my children to know my truth.
I can honestly say I no longer feel the loneliness. That is to say I am no longer lonely. I feel very at peace. I think somehow God is blessing me which goes completely contrary to the beliefs of my youth, but I savor it. Each day I bask in it. It doesn't seem fair as I know others are suffering. I wonder if maybe I "bore the yoke" in my youth? I'm no longer waiting for an ax to fall.
I am not creative. I do think an artistic, creative person could feel more acute loneliness than others. I think that is a very valid point.
OK..I am LOVING that people are sharing, voicing their hearts.
I am wondering if there are two types of loneliness- the kind that overcomes people through circumstances- like the male anonymous commenter ( divorce, heartbreak)
And a loneliness that plagues those who have more creative minds. A loneliness that doesn't ever go away, it may ebb and flow but always stays a constant.
Looking forward to other thoughts/ voices on this and maybe even thoughts on what the church can do to foster deeper community.
Julie, I have felt the kind of loneliness you speak ever since my earliest memories. The kind where you feel like a stranger among family and friends. And since my struggle with chronic illness began over 18 years ago, I've also struggled with circumstantial loneliness. Since I learned my Secret Name of Treasured, a friend explained that I am the kind of person that you really have to invest a lot of time and energy to get to know, both due to the depths of my personality and also due to the complexities of my life with illness - kind of like searching for hidden treasure. I just assumed that may be why I've had this constant struggle with loneliness.
I also think within the church so many of us are lonely because we only foster surface relationships and don't truly open up and be authentic with others - often because it's discouraged or even penalized in many ways.
I'm so thankful you shared this because it has been on my heart for a long time too. <3
All of these wonderful words of sharing mean so much to me. I have struggled with loneliness most of my life. In the past year, I have had my husband leave me, I have left the IFB, and I have moved away from everything and everyone I have ever known.
By God's grace, I am now standing and living on my own. I get very afraid sometimes, and I am still very lonely, but it is nothing compared to the terrible loneliness I have suffered most of my life.
Like someone commented above, I have experienced happiness on the surface for the most part. Being so involved in my church all my life, I never had the courage to face my true feelings or hear my own voice.
I hope this does not sound cold, but it makes me glad to know that the loneliness I have felt is not experienced by only me, as I have felt for so long. It is felt by so many, and I have to put my faith in my beloved Jesus that it will one day be taken away.
Julie, I cannot thank you enough for your beautiful blog. I found it through SFL, where I am a lurker. I have not yet found the courage to post there, and this is my first post here. It resonated so, and I had to comment. Thank you all for your words.
J
I believe this desire to be known has always been deep in my life but not until lately have I acknowledged it and given it air to breathe. As it comes out in the open I am able to first see that I am never alone if I have the Spirit inside of me and that truly the best way to not feel alone is to open up to the people in my life (one of the hardest things for me to do....). I had not thought about the creativity affect but can see that a creative soul is always searching and looking and seeking the truth or the beauty or a way to express what they know is inside. All that for me at times has led to an overwhelming sense of being alone. Thanks for this post and encouraging me to ponder this a bit more. Blessings, Hope
Julie--I certainly know the loneliness you are talking about here. Even after 15+ years in our current church, I never really developed a close bond with anyone. (well, I had one great friend--but they left the church) My best friend is so busy I never see her. About 2 years ago, I joined a home school co-op because I needed that connection with other women. I needed the "girlfriend" thing. At first, it didn't go as planned, but over time, I began to learn that I needed someone who would be real with me. I desperately wanted something deeper, but I learned that deeper sometimes hurts. Allowing people to really get to know you makes you vulnerable. The Holy Spirit really used some of these ladies to show me that I needed to start listening to HIM instead of thinking everything was OK with me. Real friendship has to break down some walls of self, especially to the follower of Christ. Isn't it amazing that Christ could love us the way He does? I mean really KNOWING us.
The consequences of living in a world tainted by sin, our old nature the flesh have made loneliness a very comon complexity in all of humanity, this includes believers in Christ. No one is immune from it. We often believe the lie that we are the "only one" when truth be spoken, most people are very good at hiding, and covering up what appears to be a weakness. The apostle Paul says that he only boats of his weaknesses so that the "power" of Christ may be made real to others in his life. God has a purpose for those experiencing loneliness. It is to "draw" you to Himself. Once we "underdtand" the fullness of our position, power and purpose IN Christ alone, can we then enjoy the fellowship of the body of Christ.
We long for fellowship with God and man because we were created for it. Sin separated that which was ment to be whole. Recognising that Jesus bridged the gap, and made even that fellowship much much MORE than before the fall should encourage us greatly.
Keep your priorities in check, God first. Cultivate your personal sonship with Him first. He is a person take time to get to know Him. Then take that which you have in and with Him to your horizontal relationships family, friends, and ask Him to open doors of intimacy with others. You can't help but want to be interested in others, when your relationship with Him is carefully cultivated and well cherished.
The inner conflict of loneliness is God pursuing you. Don't over look it, don't hide it, or mask it. Reach out to Him in your desperation! Seek Him His word, take Him by His hand and let Him lead you in deeper depths of communion with Him. The pains of loneliness are to lead you into the "fullness" of joy and fellowship with Him and others. Don't stop at loneliness. It isn't ment for you to stay there, but to pull you beyond into what your heart desires most. To know and be known, to love and be loved by Him and the family of His body, the church. We were made for fellowship!
Guacamole, this could not have come at a better moment for me. The loneliness, I feel sometimes, and feel very much at this very moment, is so intense. I feel as though I cannot bear up under the weight of it. I am going through something very painful emotionally right now, that has brought up all the sadness and loneliness I felt as a child. I had almost forgotten how hard it was until lately. When I was young, I was surrounded by family and yet, I was not. My parents were unbelievers, my Dad has been married 3 times and my mom 4. I am the youngest from both. When things got tough for them, they did their best, with what they knew how to be, but usually just walked away. Walked away from their marriage, walked away from me. For some reason when things got tough for them, they had forgotten they had a little girl yet still to raise and cuddle and comfort. That loneliness and longing for acceptance led me to 4 years of terrible promiscuity, and a teen pregnancy. It all led me though to my Savior, lover of my soul. I had never truly felt loved until I KNEW Him. And Yet, I married someone who, although he is no worse a sinner than I, is so very much like my parents in that life has gotten stressful and he has "walked away" just as my parents did. He punishes me when things do not go as planned for him. He is hurting. He is a sinner in need of Grace, same as us all. But still I cry out to our sweet Father and ask Him, "have you made a mistake? Why when you KNEW loneliness is the one thing that was so hard for me, would you allow my marriage to be to a man who would abandon me (not geographically speaking, but emotionally)?" I know God is good. I know He grows us in that unquenchable hole we feel deep in the pit of our stomach. But it hurts. I am praying for my husband, for myself, for our sweet children, and for God's Grace and Mercy and LOVE to be poured out on us. But oh how the loneliness stings.
Oh- so much I want to say- so much gratefulness for each of you and your words.
I hurt with you, I rejoice in our Savior with you, you are heard- Most of you shared some very transparent and vulnerable things-
Valerie- I am praying for you sweet friend. I connect with your story and your pain- for 14 years my husband and I struggled, almost divorced- so much pain and mistakes. God is redeeming our situation in a beautiful way. It is nothing short of a miracle- DON"T LOSE HOPE even when things seem impossible hopeless.
You are not alone!!
Julie,
Yes, I know what it is to feel the ache of loneliness. Though at times my loneliness was circumstantial, I've also felt the deep need to be known. And I think you are right - creative people tend to feel it more often non-circumstantially than more left-brained persons like myself do.
Keep on.
Bethany
I've read this a couple of times now and I'm not sure what I've experienced fits the descriptions here. I've tried going back to church (it's been about 20 years since I regularly attended church), and when I have, I sat in the far back row, in the very corner, hoping that someone would say hello, but terrified that they would. I wanted to be noticed, but wanted to be invisible at the same time. I became very depressed, and I felt like.. if I just belonged, everything would somehow get better. I've never been completely honest with anyone about who I am (nothing bad, but I leave things out, for fear that they'll think I'm weird or laugh at me). It gets exhausting trying to be what everyone expects of me, then I'm frustrated that no one really knows me (so that is all my fault). Anyways, I'm rambling :) Sorry!
I'm going to throw this out there too, in hopes no one will yell at me or hate me. I'm one of your pagan readers. I left "church" as a whole to look for something else, because I was so unhappy. I've tried to go back, and even the smallest negative completely destroys my desire to go back (like trying to walk somewhere with a house of cards that falls down with the slightest bump). I'm done now :) Thank you for your blog!
Valerie and everyone here who posted their hearts and hurts here,( and even those who didn't post yet they hurt)
First I want to say thank you. Thank you with ALL my heart. Not only are you ALL welcome here- you are heard. If there is anyone out there who knows Blogger well and knows how to allow me to answer each individual comment please email me! I want to make sure each of you know how precious your comments are.
Secondly, this make make some of the Pharisees angry but I am so sick of the church being a Sunday museum showing off plastic saints instead of a hospital for the sick, the hurting, the sinners, the desperate in need of hope. If beautiful hearts like my pagan friend Valerie or my Anonymous, broken friends who are trying to make it on their own despite abuse, or being abandoned by their husbands/wives cannot find hope and help in the church where in the world DO they go??? If they are being hurt by the very place that claims truth, love and hope what is this saying?
Am I passionate about the healing power of Jesus Christ, yes! I shamelessly believe He is the truth, the Way and the Life but we are not going to affect change in this world by sitting in lofty places, judging everyone else's spirituality and giving them some, "build a bridge and get over it" attitude or some formula for success in Jesus. ( That insinuates that if you are struggling you are not right with God.) There needs to be an embracing of radical grace and unconditional love, a love that sees past fear and reaches out IN LOVE and authenticity.
ugh...this is my passion.
Valerie I want to reach out and hug you. Tell you how much I love and SEE you. How much you encourage me. Your tender sweet heart is a blessing to me! And those broken friends who posted here - anonymous and not- I love you! There is a God who loves you, sees you, hears you.
Thank you for being you.
So much more to say..but I am too fired up- I may get myself in trouble if I keep typing! (=
Valerie,
PS. NO ONE will yell at you or hate you here. You are safe. You are loved for you. If they do they have to deal with this mama bear and I can get ugly when mean people hurt those I love and who Jesus loves. (=
I used the wrong choice of words, what I meant I think was that I don't want to offend anyone. But it's important to know where I'm coming from to understand who I am, I think. At the time I wrote that I was a bit emotional (not in a bad way, but I wasn't thinking clearly enough to get my words out).
I'm not meaning to say anything bad about anyone, Christian or otherwise. I'm the last person who has the right to call someone bad or wrong. I know a lot of the suffering I've dealt with has been purely because of my own choices.
One thing that you said, about "build a bridge and get over it," I remember looking for a denomination that I felt comfortable with so I could go back to church. I had a concern about a conflict of my beliefs with a specific denomination and I was told if I didn't like it, I belonged elsewhere. I'd never ask people to change for me, but I'm trying to find a way to make myself fit in, you know? If love and kindness were the foundation (real love and kindness, not mean, angry behavior with the excuse that it is done out of love), there would be a lot more people happy to have a relationship with God.
Thank you, you're such a wonderful person. As I said on Facebook, I wish there were more people like you. Thank you. *hugs* :)
What's so wonderful about this dear sister is that through blogging about "loneliness" you have been able to comfort us with your kind responses to our comments and have in the end helped us be a little less lonely. Bless you sweet sister for that. Let the Church stand and be that for all who hurt.
I have lived in a place of loneliness my entire life.
Growing up, I was convinced I must be adopted; I simply did not fit in with my own family - none of them "got me" at all! Most of the time it seemed that none of them even liked me or wanted to identify with me in any way.
I have struggled desperately in my marriage with the realization that I married someone who seemingly has no desire to really know me, see my heart, hear me.
God has recently put some women in my life with whom I finally feel I can start to learn to just be myself and be accepted and loved. This has helped tremendously, but it cannot replace the desire to have the one person you care for most on this earth to return that sentiment.
P.S. I am a creative soul, my spouse is not. I do find (in general) that I am more heard and understood with other creative people.
Today is my birthday. Thankfully, I have a wonderful family and a celebration to go to tonight. I live by myself, I am divorced, and have a 23 year relationship with a man that loves me, but is not in love with me. We will never marry. I have times of heart-pounding terror of being left by myself while my friends and dear family are occupied with their daily routines. Lonely?? Ha, i could write a book...
Julie,
Thank you for your willingness to speak openly on such a personal struggle.
Until today, I have never publicly acknowledged my loneliness despite it's crippling effects on my life. I guess I was too afraid that people would think that I was just too needy.
Thank you, my precious friend!
What can I say? I am in tears. I hurt and grieve and feel each of your pain. I feel so small, the needs so great.
Please just know that you are NOT alone and that Jesus will meet you where you are. Cry out to Jesus.
Love you all so much.
I just realized what I meant to write about, I completely left it out. I think my son stole most of my brain cells when he was born :)
Regarding the "build a bridge and get over it" thing, I was on a forum asking about my conflict between my own values and the values of a specific denomination, and I was told if I didn't like it I should go elsewhere, because the church isn't going to change (which I'd never ask it to). I was just kinda shocked at how up front someone was about it.
Have a wonderful day, and thank you again :) *hugs*
Julie,
I am grateful for your gift of writing, for your ability to speak love and grace so eloquently.
It is so easy to identify with your words, so easy. I've been attending church for nearly my whole life, and I haven't found it to be the most welcoming place - and so I am all in with your proposal to "rip off the mask and... start a revolution of transparency and grace." It should be the place where we can meet Jesus as we are, to love and be loved, to not be judged, not criticized, not ignored. John 13:35 says "By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
Re: your question about creative types - I'm not the creative type, per se, but always trying to be more than I am.
Amen to your words - Living Water for the most thirsty of souls.
<3.
Lucia!
Happy birthday dear friend!!! Hoping you have an incredible day. You are dearly loved by this girl. Wish I could hug you! So so glad I know you- you are a joy to me!
I think technology has done more to isolate us than "connect" us in many ways. I am lonelier now that I have a computer than I ever felt with just a phone. The human voice is so comforting, the real laugh instead of the "LOL" and the face time more than facebook. Not that I would give any of these up, but they often leave me lonelier than ever, kind of substitute for investing in people I'd rather not get close to ,and feeling that it's mutual. I also think that many pastors and pastors' wives are lonelier than THEY let on, and to talk about loneliness comes across as "complaining" or "not being content with what you have." Truth is I think Jesus was lonely on earth because he had left the One person who knew Him like no other. I long for intimacy with other women; I have it with two friends and for that I'm thankful. But it's not often enough to feel really buoyed up consistently.
Good question about the creativity. There may be truth to it, but I would say that bloggers are among the loneliest people out there.
I struggle with this immensely. I am in the situation I am in now because I was trying to fill the loneliness with an inappropriate relationship instead of going to God. Now I am struggling to get out because I know it is wrong.
Loneliness is definitely something we as a church need to speak more about.
Love your blog! Thanks for posting.
~Cyndi
Hi Julie, you don't know me, but you know my sister Sherry Rudegeair Morales. I just want you to know that I sincerely and deeply enjoy reading your blog. I love how honest and transparent you are. Thank you for that. I think we all are lonely people. In one way or another. Most people I know feel alone. Even those that are surrounded with friends may have something going on in their life where they wished they had someone that they could trust and talk to. But most of the time we endure and just take our path alone.
Anonymous- I so hear you. I think Pastor's wives are the loneliest bunch out there.
Cyndi- I left you a comment on your site. You are priceless.
Savedbygrace- I LOOOOOVE your sister Sherry! She is one of my most favorite people! So very nice to meet you friend!
Holey Smokes! Are we identical twins separated at birth??? I COMPLETELY agree and understand you! Blessings!
I have always felt like an "alien", and often feel this way the most when in a service at my church. Even in the small groups that meet, people seem terrified of opening-up. When I talk about my feelings, or (God forbid) tear-up a little bit as I am talking, people change the subject and I sense that they are perceiving me as a hysteric, or worse.
As far as creativity and loneliness, and whether they go together - I would think that a very creative person can express their true self through music, art, or writing, or some other medium, and so experience a sense of gratification through seeing their true self in a created "product". So even if they are not seen by others, they have the satisfaction of seeing themselves in their creation.
I think most lonely people, or those who feel alienated from others, are more sensitive than the average person, and have rich inner resources, which they long to share - and they also want to experience the inner resources of another. Since this process is cut-off in a sterile environment such as many church settings, it can feel devastating to not have this kind of interaction. I think there also is a level of high intuitiveness involved (the person has much empathy, also...) and so it is even more excruciating, because the person senses intuitively that they are not being seen or understood.
If you haven't guessed, I'm describing my own experience! Thank you for what you wrote, and the chance to write back about it -
Powerful stuff Janet- you are dead on. My spiritual gifting is mercy and it tends to be a gift and a curse. So many of your words are just so rich, thank you for sharing them.
YES YES YES YES YES YES YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You just spoke from MY heart, Julie!!!
WOW!!!
"The desire to be known, known in the depths of who I am, and then loved for me in all my beautiful mess. To equally know and love others deeply, truly, without pretence. To be brought to a place where this deepest of deep loneliness is quenched." BAM!!! That is SO dead on!!! These words couldn't be any more intimate...and I couldn't own anything any more than I own this. I cried as I read this blog.
Julie, thank you for this post. God is speaking through you in amazing ways. He is using you to bring healing to others.
I have experienced this loneliness, too. I still experience it from time to time. When my husband and I decided to leave the denomination that we were both brought up in, we created quite a bit of distance from some of our friends. It caused rifts between me and my parents.
As my views and thoughts have continued to shift, it has become harder and harder to be accepted within church circles. I'm no heretic or anything like that, but I also think for myself and question a lot.
God has been faithful, though. He has brought key people in my life to provide fellowship and encouragement.
I am so thankful for your writings. You put words to feelings that have tumbled around in me for a long time.
I subscribed to your feed over a month ago and only today caught up on all the previous posts. I saw this one and since you asked, and I identify, I had to share.
I do struggle with loneliness. I think one way I combat it is to get much too involved in favorite tv shows. I am 33, single, live alone. I have a good life, I know that. But I see people much younger than I post their engagements and weddings and new babies on facebook and sometimes it makes me cry. Why do *they* get to have someone and I am still alone? What is wrong with me? Why didn't he want me?
I don't think creative types struggle any more or harder or deeper. But, I do think we are more attuned to it. We are more likely to examine it, to pay attention to it, to notice it and to try to put words or art to it. I think it's there for a lot of people, but many don't notice it or see anything wrong with it. And some people don't feel it as deeply as the rest of us do.
Cire,
I want you to know that I am praying for you and for your heart. I pray that you find hope and healing. You are loved.
Not "lonely" but often feel very alone.
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