Saturday, June 11, 2011
Breaking the Silence- Discussing the "L" Word
My healthy and unhealthy relationship choices, my decision to trust Christ, the reason at times I blog.
It haunts my nights and weighs down my days.
I know God has put this in my heart- a hole so deep, so vast,
Tears fall down my face as I expose my heart's deepest secret.
The "L" word-
The desire to be known, known in the depths of who I am, and then loved for me in all my beautiful mess. To equally know and love others deeply, truly, without pretence. To be brought to a place where this
deepest of deep loneliness is
I wonder if God feels this way-lonely and longing to be known?
Waiting for us to enter into the most Holy of Holies, into the most intimate of relationships with Him.
Could it be?
And what do we do with this loneliness?
When we bow the knee and seek His Face- our heart, panting, thirsty- to be known.
He gently takes our hearts in His gentle Hands.
He whispers- I know you, I see you. You are not a bother, an irritation. I welcome you- in all you are and yes, I accept you with a love that will never fail.
When you hide in dark corners and cry until there are no more tears, when you curse the pain and question hope. When you are sure there is not one person in the world you you could call and be heard and loved at 3a.m.
He does and He will.
He also exemplifies love that we should have for our fellow brothers and sisters.
Not church fellowship dinners where all that is exchanged is formal greetings and a Jello mold-but a desire to deeply know, love, hear and reach into the depth of lonely hearts.
But we fear don't we?
Loneliness- who wants to admit the depth of our hearts?
I stand unashamed and say, Yes- I hurt to be known and know- I also stand unashamed and say- as a body of believers lets start a revolution of real, true love of of each other and our neighbors.
Rip off the mask and let's start a revolution of transparency and grace.
I don't know about you, but this girl is tired of Ken and Barbie parades- plastic, graceless, cold, performance Christianity. There are too many thirsty Christians and lost people in this world to keep up the masquerade.
There is Living Water for the most thirsty of souls.
It begins by stepping out and ripping off the mask.
I can't do it alone.
***Late addition to this post.***
I have a question to all those who read this- I am curious.
I wonder how many struggle with the kind of loneliness I spoke of and how many do not identify in any way with it.
If you do identify with it- do you feel that those who are creatively inclined struggle with loneliness ( The desire to be known and to know) the most?