He Loves Me Anyway

 "There are no words to to express the abyss between isolation and having one ally. It may be conceded to the mathematician that four is twice two. But two is not twice one; two is two thousand times one." -G.K. Chesterton

I began to spiral and my heart felt like knives had been ripped through it. The tears would not stop flowing and sleep brought no respite.
Yet again the words of a friend tore into me.
 A friend who knew my heart and whom I trusted past my guarded walls of safety into the sacred places where only few see. I suppose if it had  happened only once, twice, even three times, I could have cast it aside and not allowed it to hurt me so deeply but this was not the first friend who walked away from my friendship, whose words cast judgement on my person hood. As judgement was cast and labels applied I looked into the mirror and tried to affirm myself. "Julie, you are not those words, you are not that label." Somehow the words seemed hollow and insincere- like I was trying to convince a thief that they had not stolen. The weight on my shoulders to prove to those who hated me, to those who turned their back on me that I was good enough and not worthy of such judgement was so heavy I could barely breathe.
God shook me from my fitful sleep and whispered such a profound Truth into my ear that I was shaken from the very foundation of my being.

"Julie, you are those things your friends have accused you of, you don't need to carry the burden of trying to prove you are innocent because you are not. Beloved, I know you are a broken vessel, sinful, imperfect. I know that you fall and that you fail loved ones, friends and those who look up to you. I know and I love you anyway. I've taken the burden of your sin and guilt and bore it on the cross. I have stood in your place and have been your strength. You are complete, perfect and enough in ME." 

Friends, the truth is I fail, I fall, I am not perfect and I hurt people. It grieves me. I beg of you to forgive me if I have hurt you.  I wish I could eliminate and  eradicate sin and pain. I wish I could offer those I love the perfect friend, wife and mother,
 but I can't.
I do know this- when we walk in the Spirit and rest in His unfailing love we can find strength and hope to get up after we fall and keep serving Christ. Yesterday I wanted to put up a mile high wall and never trust or love another friend. I wanted to isolate and live in darkness and defeat. This morning Jesus reminded me that there is no one perfect, not a one of us but Him and yet- He loves us anyway.


 Man will fail us but Jesus's love  never fails. We must keep our eyes up not out.

When I know that Jesus loves me when I mess up, fail and hurt him it gives me the courage to love others even when they fail and hurt me too. It gives me the courage to face the Truth that we are all broken pots loved by a perfect God.
  No longer will I strive to prove to those who hurt or rejected me that I am not what they say, that I am innocent and good- I am not- I am guilty as charged, I am imperfect- The Truth is- Jesus is my Righteousness, my Defense, my Redemption. He knows I am dust and He loves me anyway. I can look at those who I have allowed close to my heart and realize that they will fail or hurt me but I can love them anyway. There are no perfect marriages, no perfect friendships, no perfect parents- just broken people with a perfect God. Isn't that what enduring friendships and marriages are? Loving each other when we fail or fall? Standing in front of each other as two imperfect people and saying to each other- no matter what- even if you let me down, despite the warts and imperfections- I love you anyway and always will.

Unconditional love, amazing grace, awe inspiring mercy. 

He loves us anyway.

Will you love others who hurt you or disagree with you anyway?

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