"Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heal that has crushed it."
-- Mark Twain
No other gift has such a high price tag. To offer it freely you have to pay the price of being hurt, cheated, treated unjustly, rejected, taken advantage of, abused, destroyed or maligned. Forgiveness is priceless. With trembling hands I realize there are a thousand ways to bleed and to experience the pain of a broken heart- to ask the hurt to offer forgiveness seems an offense of epic proportions.
And yet-
to be set free completely from the chains of our abuser, we must stare the demon within our own hearts that bubbles up within us- that place of searing heat that seeks to inflame our insides and offer up to Christ a chance to douse the flames of bitterness within the cooling waters of His peace.
To see the Truth and confront the voices that hiss condemnation, fear, desperation and death.
Be reminded of who you are Beloved.
Forgiveness is not an act of weakness but a show of strength- a place to look at the pain caused to you and speak the Truth of Christ into it. Where you can stand tall and know who you are and claim His love over you.
When I was 13 years old, three teenage girls would bully me, taunt me and strike fear into my heart as I walked home from school. I hated them, I hated how they made me feel- worthless, fearful, weak and ugly. I would run home and plot my revenge. They haunted my dreams at night and consumed my days as I tried to figure out how to flee from their presence. One day my older male cousins found out I was being bullied and drove down to confront my attackers. My cousins were imposing and they told those bully girls who I was- I was their cousin and they would not stand for anyone attacking me. Those girls never bothered me again. When my cousins stood next to them they suddenly looked small and frightened. I saw them for who they truly were- with little power to truly destroy me. It was at the moment I saw who I was and who they were that I was able to forgive. Jesus hanging on the cross and about to die prayed, "Father forgive them for they know not what they do." It sounds as if Jesus was not grasping their evil yet Jesus knew there was a bigger story- Jesus's accusers meant it for evil but God used it for good. Those who tried to destroy our Savior, God used to ignite the plan of redemption He laid out for us from before the foundation of the world. Our God is sovereign! He overcame death and rose again so that we might have life.
Out of the ashes comes beauty.
Beloved ones- one day your abuser or attacker will stand and answer for the pain they caused God's most cherished child. The Truth is your Protector sees the injustice and weeps over your pain. Forgiveness comes when you see yourself as God sees you- Beautiful, strong, empowered, whole, priceless in His eyes. Those who would, with their actions, speak to you anything contrary to this is lying to you. Can you see how small they are compared to WHO stands next to you? Can you see the picture of beauty that God is making from the ashes of your pain?
Forgiveness does not mean placing yourself in harms way- it is standing strong in the Truth of who you are in Christ. When you forgive, you release yourself from the power that those who have hurt you have over you. It is a beautiful thing when the violet that is crushed releases the very essence of who it is- fragrant and beloved.
How hard it is to write to beautiful you. I know your pain, the hurt you've experienced and I grieve for and with you. I am not advocating placing yourself in harms way at all- I am asking you to give your hurt to Christ so He can show you His Truth. Will you share with us all here your journey to offering forgiveness a midst all the devastation and pain?
11 comments:
In our Life Group last night, I had this very conversation with a dear friend. Someone who has hurt me deeply, wrote me several months ago asking for my forgiveness. I never wrote back. I still haven't. My friend last night said, "We are to forgive those who have wronged us as Christ forgave us." I know that...but something deep inside of my bleeding heart wants them to HURT! I told my friend, I have thought about writing her but I really don't think she KNOWS how she has hurt me. How can she apologize, when she has NO IDEA the pain she has caused? I want to let her KNOW..."this is what you did to my heart..." THEN...then...I would forgive her. My wise friend last night pointed out to me, Christ did not ask me to confess ALL OF OUR SIN AGAINST HIM before He would forgive me...I just needed to call out. Ouch. I still haven't written that letter. I want to hold onto my pain and carry it close... very timely post Julie.
Amy- you just touched the root of what has kept me from forgiving fully- the thought that the person who hurt me has no idea the devastation and pain they've caused. A desire to bring justice to my pain- but true forgiveness is seeing that person who hurt us with eyes of Truth- the Truth that their abuse does not forever DEFINE us. To look into our pain and say- that lie that they inflicted in my heart is not true! I forgive because I know ultimately the Truth of God's love for me...sweet release..their power is gone. I love the quote, "unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.. I love you Amy- it takes time and you get grace. I am so sorry for your hurt. I validate your pain.
I don't want to hijack your comments...but I feel safe to share. When you say, "but true forgiveness is seeing that person who hurt us with eyes of Truth- the Truth that their abuse does not forever DEFINE us." I don't really understand that. My mind isn't wrapping around that well. (Maybe that's normal?) In my heart, the hurt is screaming...LIES! PAIN! REJECTION! and that IS what happened. I want to justify my forgiveness. How do you forgive someone for something, when they have their head in the sand as if it never happened? Is it as simple as saying, "I forgive you...period" I don't believe the things they believe about me...but I want them to apologize for what they believed, the lies they listened to...yes...I want my pain validated. I want a REAL apology before I extend forgiveness, that raw, sinful part of my heart, (because I know to NOT forgive isn't right either!)is confused about HOW to forgive someone, when they have no idea what they did wrong. Do you understand my struggle? I try to wrap my mind around what this kind of forgiveness looks like...and I just don't understand it. I'm not trying to belabor the point, but I feel like you have been down this road...and honestly, I'm confused.
I am so glad you feel safe here and you are welcome to hijack this thread all you want- that's why I have comments enabled! (You are not by the way!)
So I am not " expert" in the area of forgiveness, in fact I didn't want to even write this post because I knew it is not going to be a popular one- there is a lot of loaded dynamite that lays beneath the layers of those who have been hurt and have decided not to forgive.
True heart felt forgiveness does not come from our own strength and will- the Holy Spirit is the One who can work through us in this way.
All that said- forgiveness is NOT for the person who hurt us- its for US. When Jesus forgave while He was on the cross the people who hurt Him had NO idea what they had done, in fact they were smug and proud in their attacks on Him. I would say that it is a rare thing for those who have hurt us to come to us with a heart-felt apology. The person who hurt me the deepest where I could no longer breath has NO idea the devastation they caused in my life and probably NEVER will. forgiveness is like love- it is a gift with no strings attached- an offering that says, " I choose in my heart to forgive what you did to me and to release you from the control you have on my life. You get grace." It is not for them Amy- it is for you- so you can be at peace. Fear and pain sometimes disguise itself in CONTROL- we don't want to hurt, we want to have everything come down to one plus one equals two, but its just not true. There is no formula for forgiveness, there is not "certain" way to forgive- beseech the Holy Spirit to help you see who you are against those lies! Even if the person were to retract their lies, I bet you would still believe them and be raw from their sting. You have to hold up the lies in the face of TRUTH- God's truth about you! That is why Jesus says the TRUTH sets us free! Freedom comes from not living in the lie but KNOWING the Truth of who you are to Him..He loves YOU desperately- whatever someone said or did to you that goes against this truth is not to be believed. Period. You can forgive them because they " Know not what they did" you see past the lies and can therefore forgive- their power to intimidate and overpower you are gone. Let go of the control Amy and embrace the Truth. You are loved- you are not rejected but loved. Forgiveness is for you my friend- so you can have peace.
I get it. An offering...I can do that. I like how you explained Jesus on the cross, "forgive them Father for they know not what they do..." I get it. I didn't realize the control over me by NOT forgiving. Wow...thanks Julie.
Hey beautiful Julie- your posts have a knack of going right to the heart of issues- wow!!
I need to forgive myself more often than other people- I rush in and justify myself- and realize I didn't need to-today's sermon helped- next time I am just going to say " I was about my father's business"- and not justify why i wasn't at some meeting- I get so cross with myself for falling in to that trap so often- God- i choose to forgive MYSELF for falling into traps so easily!
To borrow a phrase from Amy- I forgive myself= period!
Thank you for this post. Its so liberating. You're a friend Id travel many the miles to meet some day soon. This blog is a refuge. Love u & ur heart. These words are gold.
Right now I cannot forgive some folks in my life. My parents and sisters.
I am no longer angry at them but I do not miss them either. The manner in which I was raised prepared me for not seeing them, not having a typical parent-son relationship.
If it wasn't for my wife and sons I would be completely alone.
One day i hope to confront the matter but right now I do not care to...does that sound "un-Christian?"
Mike
Mary Gems- Yes sweet friend- I struggle with that too- forgiving ourselves. I love your tender heart Mary!
Anna- I am praying non stop for you- I know the Lord will protect and guide you. Love you dearly.
Mike- I hear so much pain in your words- I am so sorry. I haven't walked your journey or know what you've endured but it is not for me to judge. You are loved. Forgiveness is such an intimate gift and offering- no one can force us to forgive or to love another. Jesus gives us a free will but enables us through His Holy Spirit to do the impossible. Ultimately, it is your choice to forgive. Thank you for sharing so openly- it means a lot to me.
Forgiveness is one of those tough things that you know needs to be done, but you put off. Kind of like that visit to the doctor, or taking your car to the mechanic. You know what's right, and you know the outcome, but still...you waiver and wait.
Love the Twain quote.
Years ago in a very trusting moment on the phone with a friend, I shared a devasting incident that had happened to my child. I did not know that upon hanging up from that shared conversation with one whom I thought was a friend, phone lines were ringing all around relaying my child's tragic incident. It shook me to the core and took years to forgive the gossiper. I have finally, and she is very unaware that I know what she did to me and my family. Forgiveness is a gift from God. Pick it up and YOU are blessed.
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